Pets for Lease!

Disclaimer: Do NOT read this post if you are eating, or would like to do so soon...

For Lease: 1 Dog

Available for 1 Year Lease is this adorable dog. Likes kids, but barks insanely at those on skateboards. No longer jumps up on everyone due to stiffness. Afraid of raccoons. Hobbies include eating baby socks and dryer sheets, then barfing them up right by the washing machine for convenience. Can heel after only six blocks. He also likes to chew on Ove Gloves. Lease contract includes washcloths to clean small eye tumor.

For Lease: 1 Short-Haired Cat

Next up for your consideration - Seiko the cat. Good with kids, very tolerant. Purrs when sat upon, when tail is "doctored" by 2-year-olds, and after throwing up. Likes to dart under moving vehicles in the driveway, sleep on the kitchen table, and try to climb into the baby's crib. Thinks he can run on the treadmill. Needs a pill only twice a day, simply use your fingers to hide it in some wet cat food. Has been known to disturb naptime with loud meowling. Doesn't need a scratching post - the carpet is just fine. Lease will include one free bottle of Resolve for your upholstery.

For Lease: 1 Long-Haired Cat

Up last is Muffy (back to the camera). She enjoys leaving clumps of hair around the house, smelling like the litter box, and trying to sleep on clean baby blankets. Fur is impervious to most electric razors. Has been known to poop on the floor. Likes to lick plastic bags, diaper packaging, and magazine covers. Has been caught sitting on the toilet on numerous occasions. Primary-aged girls have accused this cat of passing gas during activities, but that claim has not been corroborated. Contact me for further lease info, including instructions for removing her from cupboards. Note: 1 Year Lease will expire when in-laws return from France to take repossession of their animals.